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Friday 23 March 2007

Blogging the Bulge in this year´s Mister España

I was thinking of going out tonight for some quick action in the coast´s darkest holes when I suddenly realized that the gay capital of Torremolinos should be empty tonight. Why? Because Mister España is on!

Immediately, I´ve searched for the candidates´pictures on the net so we can orgasmically blog about it. Mind you, I have seen Miss España last year and I found out why, despite the fact that Spanish women are gorgeous, they never win any major beauty pageants (they only have one Miss Universe in the 70´s)---they don´t have any talent nor question and answer portions!

Backstage, the presenter asked the losers how they felt and one of the girls said ¨ What do you want me to say? I feel so bad,bad,bad!¨ . Whew! That´s not even a very queenly answer, don´t you think so? Tonight, is the first time I´m gonna watch the male version so I got my KY Jelly, lotion and cup of olive oil handy, just in case.


So here´s the lovely, steroid men. Have a feast!

Let´s start with...¨I was just buying a baguette in the store then suddenly found my self here.¨

Yes, he is a contestant. Don´t ask me why but the screening committee must have been blinded by his super white skin and boyish looks. He comes from the province of Zamora. It must be snowing there all year round. Boy, you need some sun.Really.



He is a girl, girl girl! Just look at the hair, the tits and the shape. I wonder if he joined the wrong contest altogether. Nice bulge though. Too bad I don´t think that is the MAIN criteria for judging the winner. An overall make over is essential for this boy. A little bit of liposuction in the waistline and the 14-year-old-girl´s breasts, facial and laser treatments to fixed the moles and teenage acne and for christ´s sake, Cut the f*ng hair!


Mister Cuenca just looks like my drag hairdresser. `nuf said.


Too much Coke honey? Sniff, sniff, sniff. Try food. It´s good for you.

Baby, you should fire your stylist right here, right now! I mean, look, you've got a great body, an angelic face and all but you were made up just too much, too wrong--the hair; too black, too coiffured; two many ear studs, too much foundation, too much lip gloss! Oh, by the way, are you sure it´s the make up artist or you did it YOURSELF?


And last and definitely the least. I mean least because I can´t see anything on the aqua blue speedos even if I zoom in ten times! Where´s the BULGE honey, did you leave it at home? You could have used your socks, towel or anything. Damn, you could have gone to the fruit stand and buy some bananas just to keep the illusion alive!


Okay, enough of the nuisance candidates. Let´s now have a look at the yummy, lovely, delicious boys that will definitely make us cream on our underpants.

Meet Mr. Madrid. I think he will sweep the awards including the title this year. He´s got that I-will-fuck-you hard-until-you-forget-your-name face. So sexy. And the hair! huff! He´s got this chiseled square face, he seemed to pop out of some Armani ad or something. I bet he will win. If I would be correct, I´m gonna fuck myself with a 12-inch pink dildo.

Mr. Las Palmas is immaculately clean he almost look like a hollywood starlet! Nice teeth lasered-white to perfection, clean cut hair, athlete legs and a decent package. Finally, someone did his assignment.



Mr. Jaén, just like the olive oil that his province is known for, is Buenisimo!! Although he doesn´t have fantastic face, you can always scroll down and look from the neck below to see lean meat! And look at that bulge! I might choke on that one. It never happened to me yet but there´s always the first time.




Mr.
Ceuta is just so fucking hooooooot!!! His bronze skin will surely make you drool at first sight. The body is perfect and the face is fuckable. Gosh, I´m losing my vocabulary just staring at his crotch area. He looks like a wife beater though. Well I say, you can beat me anytime you want baby.


Okay, that´s it. Some of the contestant in this year´s Mister España. Vote for your man. In the meantime, the show is now starting and I have to go. My KY is waiting.
Un Beso!

Complete photos here in 20minutos

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